end of freshman year.
you know how time just pauses sometimes? for a few hours, a few days, a few weeks, time just stands still as you get caught up with classes and finals and sleep. and then all at once time catches back up, and it all comes crashing back at you.
like a wave, or more aptly, like a tsunami. a tsunami of emotions, of memories, of fears, of hopes. a tsunami that carries so many great experiences and the unbearable feeling of regret for not living out every single moment, or perhaps if you did, the regret of not living more out of every single moment. that’s how i felt today. as i finished writing 10 pages and took a break, i went to the common room, stumbling over boxes - a consequence of my suitemate’s packing - and i looked at the coffee table, where there was a goodbye note in glitter glue from Jen - the first of my suitemates to leave.
and i looked at it, texted her a goodbye, and ran up to her room. there all that was left were the basic desk, chair, mattress, bed, and dresser. it was so bare, so sparse, so lacking of the vitality that I always saw every time i knocked to visit. it was there that i broke down and started crying.
all this week, people have been packing, leaving. and i, in my exam-mode mind, didn’t stop to think what it would be like when my suitemates and i took our turn. it seems like yesterday we were making friends in our common room, giving people tours of our princess suite, and picking out furniture together. i can barely imagine living somewhere else - i’m so used to my tiny, narrow single that i barely slept in.
freshman year of college is over. 1/4 of college is over. i’m so horribly going to miss this place, and i’m so glad i get to come back in 3.5 months.
